So many changes, so little time :)

I am back to blog for the first time in quite a while. I am not sure why I didn't write in so long. I could have snuck in a minute here or there but I have been truly busy. In fact right now I am avoiding my homework for this little message. Who cares though, if it weren't for this it would be for something else. I will get homework done soon enough.

I think an update would be in order!!! So last I was writing hopeful for a third pregnancy and starting fertility steps again. I was hoping to start a path toward nursing school and looking forward to eventually becoming a midwife. My have things progressed from there!! It has been three days shy of 15 months since I blogged last so there is way to much to say it all but here goes the basics :)

To start with we did end up conceiving almost immediately after starting treatment. Lucky us!! My pregnancy was a hard one. I was sick a lot and I struggled to keep our day to day activities afloat during the sick times. I was due December 1 2012! We found out later in the pregnancy that we were going to have another little boy. That makes two boys and a girl for us. No really serious issues with the pregnancy. The baby grew really well and the kids were excited to meet him. He was born on November 27th 2012 our little Levi Bradley Long :) He is now six months old and he is a perfect part of our little family. He learned how to crawl last week and within a couple days was already pulling up on anything he could reach. He prefers to stand of course (like his big brother and sister). He is a very happy baby that has brought so much joy into our home.

Chase has chosen a new career path and has finished his prerequisites. He is going to be a cardiovascular sonographer! What a wonderful relief to have a plan in place. He recently started a job as a CNA while waiting to get into sonography school. He seems to really like his job and has said that it is the most "caring" job he has ever done. He also mentioned that he has never felt like he has helped so many people as he does in this job. I am happy that it is giving him a feeling of being "needed" in his workplace. He should start sonography school next fall or possibly the fall after that. It will depend on how we are coping with my schooling at that point. If he starts next fall we will both be full time students at the same time! Eeeek!

That brings me to my schooling. I have completed almost all of my nursing prerequisites for nursing school. Once I complete the two summer classes I am currently enrolled in I will be ready for the actual "Nursing School". I managed to get a 4.0 on my classes so far and the summer is looking good for finishing out strong. I completed my nursing school application on May 15th 2012 and I should find out no later than this Saturday whether I made it into the Fall 2013 cohort for the fast track program. This means that I will have my bachelors in Nursing (BSN) no later than December 2014!! A whole year sooner than planned. I am really enjoying all that I have learned so far in my classes and I have an added bonus! My oldest sister and will be attending the same program at the same school! I am looking forward to completing the program with my sister, she is a great study buddy and lots of fun to hang out with too :)

I recently quit daycare. I have been technically unemployed for a full month now although it doesn't feel like it. So much has happened in our house in the last few months (I'll go into more detail in later blogs) that I feel like I spent the last month just trying to put my house back together. We are happy and healthy (for now) and that is all I can ask for when we have so much on our plates.

I have so much to talk about but this is already a lot for one night. I will share more at another time. In the mean time.... Good Night :)

An updated pic of our little family with our newest addition!

Glitter in the Air

Today seems like a normal day. I am here, watching kids in my daycare room. Kaylee is sleeping, I rocked her to sleep as I always do. Everyone is getting along, the messes are not too outrageous and nobody is too loud. The kids have already eaten breakfast, in about an hour I will feed them lunch. I paid the bills and thanked GOD that we had the money. Ty was up all night puking, but he has been able to keep breakfast down. It looks like the bug has passed and he is happily watching Rango with Daddy. It all seems ok. I am happy and I have the next thirty minutes to sit and enjoy resting before I have to cook lunch.

I have to admit that there is a little part of me that hates these days. When everything is going right. When I am not worried or late or busy. I hate them because they go by too fast. I have always been acutely aware of the fact that I will never have today again. I can only live this minute once and I better be doing my best to enjoy it. Someday when I am old I will look at these days and smile. I don't like it when they go by easy. It is too fast. Like throwing glitter in the air. By the time you see the first shining pieces they have all fallen to the floor. It is fast and beautiful and fun. That is my life. Now if only I could slow it down and remember every little glittery moment of every shining day, then I think I would be content.

And baby makes 5

I went in for a visit with my gyno today to discuss PCOS and fertility treatments! This time around was so much less stressful. I remember the first time I went to her I was sitting in the same office (she has three) looking out the same window, wondering if I was ever going to have another child. I had felt so hopeless at the time that I even cried when I started discussing it with the doctor. So many people take fertility for granted. They assume that they can get pregnant or have a baby whenever they are ready. Nobody ever mentions the possibility that it takes more than a strong will to have a baby.For PCOS'ers there must be a will, a way and a treatment. It was that day two and a half years ago that I started the journey to manage my PCOS.

Last time I went in to start treatment I had to wait. In order to start Metformin you have to have been birth control free for at least a year and actively trying with your spouse. (If you don't try you can never get preggo!) Then you get to do 6-8 months of Metformin. If that doesn't work then you move on to Clomid. Clomid is like the mother of all PCOS drugs for infertility. For patients strictly suffering from PCOS it is one of the most affective treatments available. It has become somewhat like the goal for many women going through the PCOS process. On many message boards women will rattle off how long they have taken Metformin and how they wish they could get permission from their doctor to move on to Clomid. Not all doctors set the 8 month limit. I have one friend who has been on Metformin for nine years with no baby yet.

So today I went to the doctor with realistic hopes of starting Metformin and the 8 month sentence before Clomid time. I started talking to the doctor and going over how everything has been with cycles, mood swings, etc. (They have to evaluate your cycle to approve you for Clomid) To my shock my doctor suggested that I start in on Clomid right away! I am so excited! She didn't see any reason to do Metformin and said that Clomid should do the trick. I really hope it works! In the mean time I find myself pouring over other parts of my life. I am happy that TTC hasn't taken over my world like it did last time. I am able to enjoy my family and regular days without worrying or thinking about it. Maybe because last time I did finally get pregnant and everything worked out so well. As for today I have high hopes and dreams of baby #3 :)

Parent Teacher Conferences

Today was Tyson's parent-teacher conference. YES, I know he is only in Preschool. YES, I know he is only there for 3 hours 4 days a week. I still feel like I needed the conference anyways. Tyson's teacher is a little bit of a hermit at times with info for the parents. Every day I try to get info out of her about how Tyson is doing and what I can do to help. Her response is always, "What does Tyson say he did today?" in her overly cheery slightly condescending voice. Then when I ask Tyson I get, "We had snack" or "Nothing" or "I don't know". Maybe he is too young to convey the whole story to me, but at least a little snippet from the teacher would help. If she would tell me what they did then I would at least be able to have a guided conversation with him. Bummer.

So I went to the conference last semester and I did not feel happy afterward. After 45 minutes (I know it is overboard) I had more questions than answers. She always has a way of being limited in her responses. I felt like I wasn't getting any guidance from her as to how to help Tyson and even what the curriculum was about at the time. Frustrating!

Now today I went in with a different attitude. I said to myself that I was not going to let this lady get under my skin. I asked straightforward questions and continued until I got satisfactory answers. In the end I was only talking with the teacher for about 15 minutes, much better than the 45 minutes in Fall.

In conclusion, Tyson is doing "well" in class. He is younger than almost every kid in the class and it shows in his work. His birthday misses the cut-off so he should not be going into kindergarten until 2013 anyways. We talked about testing him in for Fall 2012 but it doesn't look like the best plan at this point. He doesn't color exactly in the lines like some of the other kids. He doesn't use patterns as well as some of the other kids. He doesn't write all of the letters perfectly like some of the other kids. Now, normally this would concern me. I have been known to pour over mommy books looking for guidelines to tell me "what a ____  year old should be doing" Fill in the blank with whatever age Ty was at when I was reading. However, I do not feel even the slightest urge to make sure that Tyson is up to par with these kids. He is doing very well at a lot of things, very few of them pertain to the classroom. I would also like to add that I am thankful that he is not trying to be something he is not. It is far too early for that.

It turns out that Tyson is more interested in learning what he wants rather than what the teacher wants. For example, She wants him to learn to write all of the letters in the alphabet and know their phonic sounds. He wants to learn more about Dinosaurs. End result: Tyson knows ever dinosaur name by memory and even what most of them eat, where they lived and what they did to hunt. He can scribble only a few of his favorite letters, namely the letters T, Y,S,O and N.

I know he is enjoying his new friends he made in preschool. I know that this experience outside the home has been important for him. And I know that he will one day want to learn all of these things that his teacher wants. In the mean time my plan is to encourage him to continue learning. I don't care if it is about dinosaurs, robots, horses or letters. I think if I can foster a love of learning then the rest will come. Today I am proud of Tyson for being an individual and I am loving him with every ounce of mommy love I can give to him.

Garage Sale Books Make My Day

I love finding old books at garage sales. Especially sappy romance novels! I have found some of the very best ones for 25 cents at garage sales. My recent find was at a neighbors house about eight houses down from us. She was selling a bunch of books and I noticed one of my absolute favorites in the pile. "The Poisonwood Bible" by Barbara Kingsolver. I have always kept my copy and could not imagine selling it at a garage sale EVER! It is one of those amazing books that I go back to every couple of years and re-read it. I have read it three times now and each time I have walked away in total awe.

So I see one of the favorites there and I ask my neighbor if she has ever read it. (I guess I expected her to say no because if she had then she surely would never be selling it at a garage sale!) But she said it was part of the stuff her friend had sent over to sell. She did however confirm that she had a copy, had read it several times and loved it about as much as I did :) So I asked her about the other books and she suggested one called "The Mermaid Chair" by Sue Monk Kidd. I had never heard of it (probably because it was written the year I was born!) So I decided that based off of her good taste in books I would try it.

I forgot how much I love to read a good book. I started in on it just because she had suggested it and I am once again sucked in to sneaking any chance I can to read. I read at nap time, during free play time and every night before bed since I started the book! I have always been that way with reading though. If I find a good book I know within the first 15 or so pages and I will not want to stop. A good book can most definitely be addicting!

I have not finished it yet, not enough hours in the day. But I will let you know when I do. In the mean time I thought I would mention that Tyson's Valentine present that he made for us(me and daddy) was a book mark. Perfect for my re-discovered love for reading. It has a sweet little message followed by Tyson's precious little handwritten name. On either side are little hearts made out of his fingerprints. It makes me smile every time I read! 

Note To Young Mothers

Dear Young Mother,

I want you to know you are worthy of the gift you have been given. Many people will try to tell you that you cannot do this on your own. They will tell you that you are not "mature" enough to make this choice. They will tell you that you don't have what it takes to raise a child that is strong, beautiful and wise.

I promise you they are wrong.

I want you to know that the road of motherhood is not a flat and even path, but the nights spent caring for your child and the days spent watching them grow will be the best ones of your life. You will be so in love with this person that you will not be able to fault them for the frustration you have. You will want to forgive them for making you angry, even before they are done misbehaving.

I want you to know that you have never known the love a mother feels towards her child. You are blessed to have the chance to understand the world from the view of the people that raised you. The first time you hold your child you have only just begun to see a glimpse into what "Love" really is. The longer that you allow yourself to enjoy your child's presence, the more you will be able to truly love them, your family, your friends and your life.

I want you to know that the baby will improve your quality of life, not destroy it. Many will lead you to believe that giving birth to your child will "ruin your life" and you will not be able to reach for your goals. This is only true to those who have not seen the fire in a mother's eyes when she is determined to do what ever it takes to be the best mother possible. Being a mother will give you the motivation to be a better person and to reach for the best you that you can be. It will show you the strength that you have naturally hidden within you.

I want you to know that you are walking your own path and you get to decide each direction it follows. You are not your mother. You are not your sister. You are not your friend. You are the only you that can ever live in your shoes. The mistakes that others have made, have no bearing on you. You are free to enjoy what they have struggled with. You are free to change the course of your history. You are the only one who gets to help guide how your baby is raised.

Lastly, I want you to know that a man is not a ticket to a easy time raising your child. Just because you do or do not have a spouse, does not mean you are any less capable of being everything your child needs. If you look for a man just so you do not have to do this alone, then you are taking away his chances of finding true love. Single moms will always say that married women have it easier and married moms will always think differently. The truth is that mothers who embrace motherhood will have it easier than those that fight it. You can do this alone just as well as you can do it married.

Be creative with your plans, embrace the blessing that is being given to you and please know that you are not alone. There are more of us out there than you think.

Love,
Melissa

Oh the Excitement!!

I just officially signed up for my classes. As in I have 19 days until I have to sign in and produce something for a teacher I will never actually meet. As in I have 19 days until this little house is going to get a whole lot more stressful. 19 days until I start a BIO class that I have heard is going to be one of the hardest classes ever to grace my educational path. 19 days of stressing over whether or not this is going to be too hard for me. I am so ready!

I cannot wait to get started on this journey. Most importantly because this is my biggest step towards becoming a Nurse Midwife! From this day I will be officially done with school in December 2015! I have four of I am sure the hardest years ahead of me and I am ready to commit to getting through them.

This also means only 1 1/2 years left of work in the daycare field! I will be officially done at the end of my classes May 2013. That in and of itself is cause for celebration. Not that I do not like daycare. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my daycare families. However, it will be nice to have our house to ourselves and be able to create a "retreat" from the world in our own space :)

Crazy, I think so. But I know how fast 4 years can go and I am ready to make the most of them. I don't want to spend a day missing what I want to doing. I am ready to reach for my dream life with all that I have.

 Chase is also going to be finishing his degree and will likely be done in May of 2015 so we will be going to school at the same time. In addition we are hoping to continue building our family and enjoying the early years of our children! Can I do it? I think so. Will I try it? Abso-freakin-lutely!!!

SO, HERE IS TO FINISHING SCHOOL, LEARNING ALL THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT NURSING AND LIVING MY DREAM!!!