Four Things You Didn't Know About Marriage

I know I have not been married that long, (May 2008) but I want to share four of the biggest misconceptions I had about marriage. I have been right at times but on these four things I was a little less than informed.



1. Marriage is easy if you are in love. 


This is only half true. It is true that without love a marriage will not be easy, but by no means does being in love guarantee an easy marriage. Marriage is just a state of relationship. It does not dictate what things you will go through in your life. A loving marriage doesn't keep your boss from firing you, it doesn't make you able to clean up the house like Mary Poppins and it doesn't keep the kids from getting sick. You will still go through trials married or not. The struggles of daily life will always exist, having someone who loves you enough to go through them with you just eases the pain. Your spouse cannot ward off all bad things just by saying "I do", but they will be able to help you understand your hurdles and find a way past them. 


2. You will always like each other.


Let me start this one with the understanding that LIKE and LOVE are two totally different feelings. I have always loved my husband and I believe there is nothing in the world that will change that. I also would say 99.99% of the time I like him too. However, there have been little moments along our road that I have not liked him. Days when we are disagreeing, days when he hasn't helped enough with the chores and nights when he sleeps while I take care of our sick child. Being married doesn't mean you are automatically going to agree on every decision or always do the right thing. It means that you are going to do your best to give your spouse all of the love and support that they need and they will do the same for you. In the end you may not always like your spouse, but healthy communication and honest dialogue will often get you back to where you want to be.


3. Good Couples never disagree.


Hahahahaha, Right! If there is a couple that is out there that never disagrees then they must never talk. Human beings are made to have advanced feelings, thoughts and opinions. Each of us are raised with our own point of view. Marriage brings together two people who have, up to that point, led two completely separate lives. Each one comes to the relationship with different points of view and their own set of conclusions they have made about life. When bringing two different people together it can only be expected that they will have some similar opinions and very likely several differing opinions. It isn't that a "good" couple will never disagree, but rather that a "good" couple will disagree nicely. It is OK to disagree, these differences should be embraced and thought out together over honest respectful dialogue until each person can either agree on one answer or agree to disagree.

4. Marriage means everything is equal.


 This is the biggest misconception I had about marriage. In America, this concept is grossly misunderstood. When I went into my marriage I thought certainly that Chase and I would split all of the chores, happily doing dishes together, each sweeping and mopping half of the house, each taking turns doing a load of laundry and each changing equal numbers of diapers. This is simply not how it works in an American household. Sometimes it is better to not split certain things. For example, I do not do as much of the car work in our household as Chase does. Duh!! He is a mechanic, in this particular area he is much better/faster at completing the job than me. Sometimes you will not have the same number of jobs in the home as your spouse and sometimes there will be jobs that you don't help with at all. The idea isn't to count how much of the to-do list you have done. It is to look at the list and do as much as you can to help out. There are things that I am better than Chase at doing, so I do them, but that doesn't mean that we are not fair to each other. In a marriage you must give an equal amount of effort, not always an equal amount of results.