I have not been married for 50 years really I haven't even been married for 15 years but I do have a happy marriage :) I am married to my high school sweetheart and we have a commitment to not only make our marriage "work" but also to enjoy every step along the way.
I know that there are so many roles to being a woman in the family. Our role as a mother alone can be stress overload. Add to that the stress of work, family, church, possibly going back to school and you are bound to neglect one of them.
Often the marriage is the first one on the list of responsibilities to be neglected. The benefits of a healthy marriage often go unseen and unappreciated. People know they can do anything in life without being married so they allow their commitment to slide as they add more irons to the fire. You don't NEED to be married to own a home, be a mother/father/complete a college degree. This thought process is true, however I can testify that marriage makes each step much more enjoyable.
Many of my friends have gone through terrible divorces. They have torn apart their families and even the couples I thought had the best chance chose to part ways. I am always surprised at the reasons that these couples give for going through the big D. I am often privy to both sides of the story and I found that by following a few simple rules most of the marriages would have stayed intact.
These are the guidelines I try to follow in order to be a better wife. They go for husbands too though:)
1. Say Thank You.
This one can be especially hard sometimes. Often times you may feel like the things you have done to contribute to the family far outweigh the ones your spouse has done. This is because you cannot feel your spouses feelings and in a marriage most people neglect to tell their spouse just how much they are appreciated. It is important to remember to say thank you for even the smallest thing. Your spouse will feel good because they are making you happier and they may even strive to do more good deeds. Imagine if instead of reaming your spouse about how they didn't take out the garbage, you said thank you for how they helped watch the kids while you cooked breakfast. I'm sure the latter option would result in a happier more productive spouse.
2. Remind yourself daily of the times you enjoyed with your spouse. Sometimes in a hectic life it is very easy to forget what you fell in love for. Sometimes a lack of communication leaves both people feeling unsatisfied and angry. I make a point of remembering at least one cute/happy/romantic memory between me and my spouse. I think of the times we have been together that I wouldn't want to live without. This helps me to remember how much I love my spouse. It also helps me to refocus on my commitment because I don't want to miss out on more of those precious memories.
3. Take care of yourself. It is strange how single people continue to get up each morning and spend enormous amounts of time getting ready so they can "look good" to complete strangers. Often, a married person will forgo getting ready for the day at all if they can. Why do people feel like it is so important to make a good impression on their spouse when they first meet but they do not feel the need to keep up with their personal hygiene? I make a point of evaluating myself each morning. I check to make sure I am presenting myself as an attractive spouse to be with. This doesn't have to mean a bunch of makeup or the most trendy clothes. I try to look clean, smell good and maintain my weight in a reasonable range. If my spouse wanted an overweight stinky woman wearing yesterdays sweat pants then he wouldn't have married me to begin with.
4. Tell your spouse what you want. This is one of the most important things to remember every single day of your marriage. You cannot assume that your spouse knows what you want. Each person has their own agenda and their own desires from their marriage. If you come to the table expecting a magician husband that is going to magically read your mind then you are delirious. The first step to communicating your needs/wants is to ask yourself what is your desire and how do you expect your spouse to contribute to making that dream a reality. Now, before you go spouting off to your spouse about how they need to work two jobs because your dream is to be a stay at home parent, remind yourself that not all of your expectations are reasonable or fair. How would you feel if your spouse came to you and asked for the same contributions from you? How do your desires affect your spouse's ability to reach their goals? If you are being respectful of each other's desires then you can achieve a fulfilling marriage and life. Two working together is better than two working apart!
5. Be faithful with your mind, heart and body. It is easy to look a little longer at someone who is physically attractive. It is easy to imagine all of the things you wouldn't have to deal with if you were not married. It is easy to imagine being in the throws of a budding romance again. However, the minute you let these thoughts settle in your mind you are writing a death sentence for your marriage. I know that it is natural to be attracted to romance, excitement and passion. If you want your marriage to be successful then you need to work hard to maintain those elements in your relationship. Imagining a relationship with someone other than your spouse is unrealistic and leads to dissatisfaction in your marriage. Every relationship has difficulties and that stranger will present theirs if you were to with them too. So if you find yourself thinking of someone else or with the opportunity to engage physically with someone else, remind yourself of the moments you pondered while getting ready that morning. The moments that you wouldn't want to live without. Just thinking of your spouse and the cherished times with them will give you strength and resolve to stay faithful.
I know not all marriages will work. In fact half of them will not work at all. Sometimes people make a mistake in who they marry and they have no choice but divorce. I know that a marriage cannot work if both partners aren't committed. These steps cannot help you if your spouse is not committed too. However, if both people are striving for success then these steps will help guide you to a more satisfying relationship everyday of your marriage.
I am interested in knowing what tips you have for success?
What do you do when faced with temptation?
How do you nurture your marriage/relationship?
You can leave me a message in the comments or email me at raisingbabycakes@gmail.com
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